As parents, we often hear how important it is to speak kindly to our children, to build them up with affirming words and encouragement. But how often do we extend that same grace to ourselves? How often do we pause to consider the words we use when we talk about ourselves—especially in front of our kids?
The truth is, our children are always watching and listening. They’re soaking in the way we speak, not only to them but to ourselves. If we constantly criticize ourselves, put ourselves down, or focus on our perceived failures, they notice. And over time, they learn to model that behavior.
I remember a moment not too long ago when I caught myself muttering, “Ugh, I’m so stupid,” after making a small mistake. My daughter looked up at me with wide eyes and said, “Mommy, you’re not stupid!” Her words were kind, but they made my heart sink. If she heard me speak about myself that way, what would stop her from doing the same when she made a mistake?
For women especially, the way we talk to and about ourselves often begins in front of the mirror. How many times have we stood there, pulling at our skin, analyzing our wrinkles, or picking ourselves apart for not being “enough”? We criticize our bodies, dismiss our beauty, and scrutinize every perceived flaw. And then, standing nearby, is our little girl—watching us, taking it all in. The little girl who looks exactly like us, who admires us more than anyone in the world, begins to wonder if she should pick herself apart too. She starts to see her reflection through the lens of our self-criticism. If we want her to see herself as beautiful and worthy, we have to show her how by treating ourselves with that same love and respect.
That’s when I realized how important it is to talk to ourselves with grace and kindness—not just for our own mental health, but for the example we set for our children.
Why Self-Talk Matters
The way we talk to ourselves shapes our mindset. Negative self-talk feeds insecurity, stress, and a feeling of inadequacy. It creates a cycle that’s hard to break. But when we speak to ourselves with kindness, we cultivate self-compassion and resilience.
Our children deserve to grow up in an environment where they see their parents valuing themselves, even in the face of challenges. When they see us handle mistakes with grace, celebrate small victories, and acknowledge our worth, they learn to do the same.
How to Talk to Yourself with Kindness
• Reframe Mistakes: Instead of saying, “I’m such a mess,” try, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. I’ll do better next time.” This teaches your children that mistakes are part of learning and growth.
• Celebrate Progress:Focus on what you’ve accomplished instead of what’s left to do. “I’m proud of how much I got done today,” is a powerful message—for you and for them.
• Practice Gratitude:Speak out loud about what you’re thankful for, including gratitude for your own abilities. For example, “I’m so thankful my body is strong enough to carry me through a busy day.”
Talking About Yourself in Front of Your Kids
Our children learn how to view themselves by watching how we view ourselves. If they hear us calling ourselves “fat,” “lazy,” or “a failure,” they may start to internalize those same labels for themselves.
Instead, show them what it means to celebrate who you are. Talk about your strengths openly: “I’m really proud of how creative I was with that project,” or “I worked hard on dinner tonight, and I’m glad it turned out well.” These moments teach your kids that self-pride isn’t arrogance—it’s self-respect.
And when you’re feeling vulnerable, be honest in a way that models resilience. “I had a tough day today, but I’m trying to be patient with myself” shows your children that it’s okay to have hard moments, as long as we treat ourselves with care.
Grace for Yourself, Grace for Them
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the understanding that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved or valued. But we can’t teach that if we don’t believe it about ourselves.
When you speak to yourself with grace and kindness, you’re not just changing your own inner dialogue—you’re shaping the way your children will speak to themselves for years to come. You’re showing them what it means to love themselves, flaws and all.
So the next time you catch yourself speaking negatively, pause. Would you say that to your child? If not, don’t say it to yourself. Extend the same kindness to yourself that you so freely give to others.
Because your kids are listening. And one day, when they face their own challenges, they’ll remember how you spoke to yourself—and they’ll know how to find their own voice of grace.
Pumps & Panic 